Also an odd fact you don't know about me, (and I fear telling you this, but oh well) After I sneeze I meow. I have been doing it since I was a little girl, and my parent's think I started doing it as a baby because our cat's had allergies and would always sneeze and I copied and mimicked their behavior. It is a habit that is easily controlled but if I am not thinking about it I do it all the time. I have a point to telling you this and that is that a lot of people call me kitty or fluffy because of the sneezing and meowing trait of my behavior. Therefore being called kitty or fluffy is a label that I wear, and quite proudly! Meow! ^_^
The point being made is that there seems to be a correlation between names and how we view people. Whether that be because a name is easy or more difficult to remember, pronounce, or spell, or whether that be because we associate certain things with certain names I can not definitively say. However, not having all the facts has never stopped anyone from arguing a point, and so let's me and you explore that thinking a little.
It would seem unreasonable to assume things about someone based on first impressions, but as we all do (and indeed cannot help doing so), I am going to consign that incongruity in our rationale to the stipulated facts in this case and move forward to the heart of the matter. Beyond appearances, which are a whole other ball of wax in and of itself, a person's name is one of the first things we learn about them. A person's name is his or her label. A name is an important part of who you are and can even have bearing on your self image. Ironic then, that we do not choose our own names and must trust our parents to do so despite the fact that the name they are given us may not be the name we may have wanted. (point of order: I like my name just fine, it's the pronunciation some people have issues with. Their problem - not mine.)
Suppose you meet someone new in a neutral setting. This person you know nothing about extends a hand and introduces himself. His name is John. It is highly probably in this day and age that you, with your hundreds of Facebook friends, Myspace contacts, and Twitter Bugs already have a friend named John, or at least know someone named John. Therefore, this new(est) John maybe John #2, 3 or even 10. That means your brain has already formed associations tied to that label. Your brain, being wholly unable to not think, immediately draws forth, both consciously and subconsciously all the files related to the word 'John.' This is a problem. Suppose the John(s) you already know are all the nicest, respectful, most exquisite men imaginable. You may even have dated, or be dating, a John of your very own! What now of imagery and associations?
It is my friends and mine experience that whenever we meet someone with a name we already have stashed in my memory, old feelings re-emerge associated with that name. I happen to know 7 John's already, so the 8th would (in this case) benefit tremendously from my positive disposition to his name, as the Johns I know are indeed all those things I mentioned above. You may think that having a positive disposition to someone new might be a good thing and I am inclined to agree with you however, it is important to realize that I am not trying to write a self-help guide to meeting new people, but am in fact attempting to explore the very odd nature inherent in all of us.
In my friend's example, John #8 is benefiting from my positive predisposition. What if the 7 other Johns I knew were cold-hearted he-demons from the depths of hell, all of whom are ex boyfriends of mine and left me with nothing but shattered dreams. Aha! Now my associations with the name John may not be so favorable. Maybe now, even as I shake his hand, John #8 notices an involuntary twitch in my neck even as he speaks his name to me for the first time. Will this affect the manner in which I view him? (Some say Heck Yes It Will, Some Say Not So Much- Those people are lying) Will it continue to affect it should I befriend him, or worse still, prevent me from befriending him based solely on previous memories associated with the label he carries as well, through no fault of his own? Opinions, naturally, vary wildly on the subject. I have had people tell me a person's name has no bearing on their feelings towards that person. Others swear that names can be right or wrong for a person based on all manner of factors. ("you don't look like a John") Still others think I am a strange, strange little kitty for troubling my head which such thoughts. Nevertheless, the thought eats at me and my friend as well.
As it happens, John #8, thus far, is every bit as charming and lovely as the other John's I have met, minus John #3 he can (insert bad phrase I won't say here). One thing however rings out to me clear as a bell: a person's name has an affect on us, If we know someone by that name already. What if you meet someone whose name you have no associations with at all? What if you meet someone whose name you have never even heard spoken on TV, seen written in a book, or knew existed at all?
If we replace John with Zheshkavedenei for instance, it would be unlikely you have heard that name before, as I just made it up. Would a person with that name be free of pre-associated notions about his name - the label he carries? I think so, yes. However, would he not suffer from an entirely different problem? Namely, the fact that because the name is so unique, it stands out. I can already imagine him growing rapidly weary of having to repeat his name three times everywhere he goes and with every person he meets. "How do you spell that?" will be a freakishly common phrase uttered to him, and as such his name may have negative connotations to himself thereby altering him disposition towards meeting new people.
This may also go to explain why children befriend each other so easily - total lack of previous connotation and little capacity for it to begin with. I miss being 6-years-old... life was simpler then, the biggest thing on my mind was how many GI JOE'S I lost in the playground, or how many bible verses did I memorize so I could get the Sunday school prize. Sorry for the tangent but now back on task. An example of a double negative situation can stem from an example that I have taken from a friend's thought process.
The real trouble however starts when a doubly negative situation presents itself, as in the following example. Luke and Megan meet at a convention. Luke's ex wife is called Megan, and he lost his house, his kids, his dog, and his favorite law ornament to her in the divorce. We can safely assume Luke has a negative predisposition towards the name Megan. Megan however knows 2 other Lukes, one being her great grandfather whose unconditional love and exceptional lust for life still echo clearly in her fond memories of him.
The other is her best friend who she has known since elementary school. We can assume she has a distinctly positive predisposition to the name Luke. After shaking hands at said convention, Luke and Megan know nothing of each other aside from their names and the fact they are in the same building. What direction will their conversation take? Will their names be forgotten or dismissed as irrelevant, or will are do they weigh heavily on Luke's mind? or Megan's? or perhaps both?
It is inherently appealing to believe we are above this sort of petty influence, just as it is inherently difficult to disassociate ourselves from our memories and emotions. We assume things about the world around us, as it is not possible to know everything. To assume is a natural process, and helps us fill in troublesome gaps in our understanding. Sometimes, assumptions can be incredibly useful and may help lead us to where we want to go. Other times, most often when our assumptions are horribly wrong, they cause problems both small and great.
In the example above, where Luke meets Megan, my assumption is that the weight of memories associated with both names will have a significant impact on the relationship of these two people (even if that relationship goes no further than the talk they have at the convention!) Luke's assumptions about Megan meanwhile could scarcely be accurate, as neither his ex wife, nor the Megan in our example chose their names themselves, thus it having little to no bearing on who they are. Likewise, Megan's assumptions of Luke may ill prepare her for what a massive jerk John is! (after all, his wife did leave him and a judge decided she got the kids, the dog, the house AND that lawn ornament!)
So, in essence, though our names are what we go by, and are a major part of us for as long as we live, they are incredibly poor indicators towards other people of who we really are. Sadly, as we cannot control who gets what name beyond those of our own children, other people may be out there, soiling your good name in the minds of others, by going through life with an identical label. Accepting this as yet another of the stipulated facts, written in stone, my advise to all of you is this:
Feel free to judge a book by its cover, if you must, but remember that the reason a book has so many pages is that a title can only tell you so much about it.
I hope you enjoyed this reading for it was brought to you by my dear friend AVL and myself!
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